Thursday, December 8, 2011

Guest Post: Exploring the Overheard By Pickleope.

Exploring the Overheard:

I overheard a statement that perplexed me. In the bookstore...who am I trying to kid? In the comic book shop, I overheard the following conversation between a man I would estimate is in his early 60's and still holding on to the hippie motif, and his employee, a man so enamored with Santa Claus, he looks like the fictional character and has a giant paper mache Santa hat replica soldered to the roof of his red car (this has nothing to do with the story, but c'mon, I couldn't let that detail go un-shared). Let's set the scene:
Pseudo-Santa is sitting in the corner behind the checkout counter staring intently at a red lava lamp, hypnotized by its gooey burbles. Old hippie is ringing up my purchase when he turns to Pseudo-Santa and says, 

"Get that lava lamp out of here, remember what happened the last time you brought a toy from the 70's in here? Yeah, that Slinky cost me my thumb!"

He said it calmly and lifted up his hand to illustrate his point to Pseudo-Santa. I was not part of this conversation, yet, bore witness to his thumb-less hand and was forever shaken.
How did that happen!?! What kind of devil's sandbox was he frolicking in? What sort of shenanigans (had to work that word in here somewhere) could lead to an aging hippie inadvertently amputating his thumb with a Slinky? Like a young, slightly better looking Jessica Fletcher, I shall attempt to root out the truth! My hypothesis:
  1. He started at the top of the stairs and attempted to make it walk down said stairs. He got excited when it actually started to go down more than one stair (which, has anyone ever been able to make a slinky traverse the entire staircase?) it moved so fast that upon hitting the bottom, it sprang back up the stairs and his quick reflexes were the only thing that protected his eye, but the Slinky claimed its victim, his thumb. (yeah, that's likely) 
  2. He tried to straighten the Slinky. How many times does the government have to release a warning before people stop trying to straighten Slinkys!?! It's like the carbon gas of the toy world, a silent killer.
  3. He got involved in the secret underground world of Slinky juggling and without proper training, that twisted metal when flung into the air turned into a flying guillotine and he was lucky to escape with just not being able to grip things or turn door knobs (and if you're anything like me, you'll go to rounded door knob and try to open it...don't worry, we'll wait.).
  4. Being the proprietor of a comic book shop, he developed delusions of being Batman and tried using the Slinky as a grappling hook. One pull up on it, and off goes the thumb. 
  5. There were robbers trying to steal from him and the only tool of self-defense at his disposal was that Slinky, but he lost the thumb in the ensuing melee (or "scrum" or other words I don't get to use nearly often enough)
If anyone else has an idea about how a grown man could lose a finger because of a Slinky, I'd love to hear them...provided your speculation has absolutely no basis in reality.
Regardless of the cause, let this be a cautionary tale to us all. Children's toys in the hands of an adult are dangerous weapons! Like when John Hinkley Jr. tried to assassinate President Reagan with Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots ("They" told you it was a gun but that's all part of the government cover-up, man! The truth is out there!).

Thank you to Kristin for generously sharing her space with me and my madness.



  1. Y'know, I may love my words even more when I see them in a different spot. Thank you again Kristin.

  2. Now I know why they are made of plastic! And completely inferior I might add.

    I'm a total pickleope groupie and a longtime fan of shenanigans, seems like a great match.

  3. You know why no one ever uses the phrase "It's as easy as stealing a slinky from a baby" ? Babies are mean. And very territorial with their slinkies. I bet he tried to steal one (slinky not baby), and baby bit his thumb off.

    Mystery solved. You're welcome.

  4. Couldn't have picked a better pickle for a guest post!

  5. Haha I agree! Poetry at its finest. Thank YOU Pickleope! You are always welcome here.

  6. uh two words!.......... "Lazer slinky"


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